Enter the Horse Woman

by Admin on October 12, 2011

Riding the BroncoI had been married to her awhile when she started jabbering about horses.  First it was “aren’t they pretty?” and soon that turned into “wish I had one” with the emphasis on the word “I”.

I managed to do the manly thing and ignore this whole problem for awhile.  It has been so long ago that now I forget how long I dodged this bullet.

Further she didn’t just want to get a horse she actually wanted to RIDE them.  Good grief!  Couldn’t we just get you a horse coloring book?  Nope.  She was getting INTERESTED.

It turns out that she had been interested since she was a kid but somehow this discussion got missed all the way up till months (or was it years) into the marriage.  Dunno.  Whatever.

Now years later I KNOW why that was not discussed.  Everything related to a horse starts with a sound.  KA-CHING!  Soon to be followed by the sound of destruction, mayhem, broken cars, torn up trailers, vet bills galore, and so much more.

And if you think I am kidding well stick around buck-o  as I will unveil this story as the pages unfold.

OK fine you say, but how did she talk you into getting a horse.  Not so fast.  I have YEARS of torment to drag out.  If I gotta suffer, then YOU gotta suffer.  🙂

First thing I had to do was get her ridin’ lessons.  Yup.  Not just any ridin’ lessons mind you, the had to be dressage lessons… or better yet jumping lessons.  Well me bein’ the bright boy that I am didn’t know why she wanted to learn how to dress a horse and you damn well don’t need a horse to JUMP so just get yer little fanny out there and git to it.

WHAT?  You still want ridin’ lessons.  OK.  Well I surprised her with some.  I called every idiot in the phone book and told them I wanted jumping lessons for my wife.  The smart trainers told me that I was the idiot and that she needed a good foundation before she started jumping.

Well me being hard headed said “NEXT” and kept dialing for dollars…you know the kind where YOU have to PAY the dollars.  Anyway, I found a gal who said sure thing I will have her fallin’ on her ass…er… I mean … jumping in NO TIME.

And in just that… NO TIME… I had a super happy wife who couldn’t believe I had actually gotten these lessons for her.  And in NO TIME I had a wife over the horse, crashed into a wooden jump that was made out of timbers big enough for Noah to build an ARK with.

Next stop…the doctor’s office.  This would not be the last.

The saga continues…

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