When You Don’t Know What You Are Doing – Buy a Horse!

by Admin on October 18, 2011

Of course this is all my own fault and it turned out OK over the years, but let me tell you this started out life as a disaster.  Just sayin’…

Keep in mind that about half of what I tell you is either out of sequence, wrong or made up.  Just ask my wife.  But this will give you the gist of things anyway…but pay attention cause this is NOT how you are supposed to go about getting a horse.  We know.  We learned the hard way and we were LUCKY!  You may not be.

So anyway…

There was a guy where I worked that said he had a horse for sale.  Funny, I had a wife that wanted one.  What a coincidence!  He said his wife didn’t want to ride this horse anymore.  She got bucked off once and was scared of her.  That sounds perfect…just like a horse we should buy.

On top of that this was a race horse that no longer raced.  Well I like all things fast.  We had a Camaro.  So once again, this sounded perfect.  Funny this horse wasn’t even that expensive.  WOW!  What luck.  I mean… how much could a horse cost after you owned it?  To say we were young and stupid was an understatement.

When I told my wife of this great plan it didn’t take long before I had hoofprints on my forehead trying to stay out of the way of this transaction.  Hey this horse looked great.  She was a big girl, beautiful and friendly. And she was going to be aaaaall ours.

The previous owner showed us our new girl liked beer.  I like beer, so this had to be a sign.

Now my wife found a place for the horse, not toooo far from the house.  It was full service but this place was an amazing piece of history.  It was near the airport.  Sometime back in the 40’s this place was a world class facility that must have been something to see. But since it was now 30 years later it was run down.

Still… that is where we decided to go.

We borrowed a trailer.  Oh you need one of those? KA-CHING! we went to go pick up the horse.  It was a small 2 horse trailer and this horse had been fat, dumb and happy in the pasture for some time.  Ya know… sometimes, horses don’t like trailers.  I thought they just walked right in.  “Hey… give her a beer!”  Horses get all “scared” to go in the dark hole.  The booger man might get them. Whatever.

Heck we expected the owner we were buying from would just waltz the horse right on into the trailer and we would go down the road.  Yea, that didn’t happen. Not by a long shot.

After about an hour of coaxing, pleading and begging the horse to get in the trailer, we tried getting a couple of us to lock hands and shove the horse in the trailer.  OK that gets pretty scary.  You have this 1000 pound snorting mess backing out of the trailer at 800 mph and YOU are in the way. A fellow could get stomped on and need a ride in the big white machine with the siren.

So then we got a stock trailer (no solid sides) so it wasn’t dark and scary and she walked right in.  Well it wasn’t totally easy but easier than what we had been doing.  Up till now joining the Marines would have been easier.

Off we go to our new stables.  We even managed to get her off the trailer with out needing an ambulance.  I have no idea how … looking back.  My wife wanted to walk her new girl around and show her new girl the fence line and the surroundings in general.  Our new girl was prancing around.  Hey it was scary getting moved to a new place.  I get that.

Finally the moment of truth came and my wife took the halter off so our girl can run around the pasture.  Did I mention this place was next to the airport?  Well it also turned out that this year they were redoing the runway and so instead of taking off N/S like they always do, they were taking off to the west which was … you guessed it…right over our head.

So you couldn’t have timed this better if you were making a movie, but at the INSTANT my wife let go of the halter a jet came SCREAMING over the treeline and our new girl went straight up.  All she needed was Roy Rogers on her back!  Then she took off like a rocket sled.

I looked at my wife.  My wife looked at me and looked panicked.

Holly cow.  I can almost here the ka-ching noise now.  Will she run into the fence?  Jump the fence?  Will my wife die of a heart attack?  Maan I knew my drawers were gonna need cleaning out when I got home.

We had a crazy butt race horse that was scared out of her minds and two newbie owners who new more about a Camaro than a horse.

Dara and IggeTHIS is the way we started our new life with our new girl.  The first adventure of many to come.

I am not sure I liked the way this was shaping up.  I don’t know if you guys are paying attention to this blog, but if you are dating a girl who is interested in horses you might want to PAY ATTENTION!!!!

Let’s look at the details.

  1. I am out money for buying the horse.  Ka-CHING!
  2. I am not playing my guitar.
  3. We are now paying monthly rent (Ka-Ching!) for the privilege of getting to go out and try to handle a new horse with Jets screaming overhead.

On the bright side:

  1. She loves the whole thing.  I was her hero.  I bought my honey a horse.  That was major brownie points.
  2. Our horse never tried to kill me.  In fact, she was a good girl until you actually tried anything like riding her. Uh-Oh
  3. My wife was getting the immersion method of learning about horses.  (Years later she became a true expert but when we started…well…)
  4. My wife looks good in Cowboy clothes.

Eventually you need to actually RIDE a horse.  Well guess who got to rider her first?  Did I mention that young and stupid thing?  I did didn’t I?

We’ll save that one for next time.  Will it take another trip to the doctor?

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: